Mandatory Training
by ilovetvalot
Summary: An employee harassment seminar gone horribly wrong. JJ/Rossi, Hotch/Emily, Morgan/Garcia
1. Chapter 1

**Mandatory Training**

**Chapter One**

Sighing as she stepped out into the bustling BAU hallway, JJ shuffled her feet on purpose. Needless to say, she had already decided that the next four hours were going to be a colossal waste of time, and she was not in any hurry to get them started.

Of all the things for the team to have to submit to, a seminar on sexual harassment in the workplace wasn't exactly at the top of their fun list. JJ knew for sure that it wasn't at the top of any of her lists, naughty or nice. But after their team had received complaints from two other departments within the Bureau, Hotch had no choice but to put the team on stand down and schedule this oh-so-lovely use of their time.

And Jennifer Jareau was going to have a few words with the two team members who had managed to get them all into this predicament.

Glancing up as she heard her name called, she felt herself smiling at the sound of the deep male voice. Raising an eyebrow at the scowl on David Rossi's face, she asked in a low voice, "I'd ask you how your morning had been so far, but I think it would only draw attention to how bad the rest of the day is going to be."

Punching the button violently as they reached the elevator, Rossi muttered, "I can handle a lot of things, JJ, but spending four hours in yet another sexual harassment seminar is not exactly my idea of a fun time."

Grinning genuinely as she stepped onto the empty elevator next to him, JJ replied with a chuckle, "Now, Dave, from what I hear tell, some of those original seminars were designed to deal with you and your well-publicized escapades."

"Hey! I wasn't the only agent having fun back then," Dave groused. "And might I remind you that I am not one of the two people that put us where we're going."

"True," JJ murmured, inclining her head graciously. "But, it's agents like YOU that Morgan has spent his career learning about. And emulating," JJ countered.

"Okay," Dave sneered, unconsciously putting his hand onto the small of her back as the elevator shook momentarily. "Then explain your good buddy, Garcia's actions. I dare you."

"She was provoked," JJ said simply, her words needing no explanation.

"That wasn't what I heard," Dave chuckled.

"You heard wrong then," JJ replied evenly, arching one eyebrow. "It was a simple misunderstanding."

"JJ, she threatened to cut off his -" Dave began, closing his mouth as he watched JJ narrow her eyes.

"I'm well aware of what Garcia threatened to do. And, as I said, she was provoked," JJ said sternly, obligatorily defending her friend.

"Be that as it may, she and Morgan are the reason WE have to sit through a four hour slap on the hand," Dave muttered, resisting the urge to grab her and run screaming out of the building. It would be useless, he knew for sure. JJ would turn him in.

"Maybe you'll get lucky and the teacher will use you as a visual aid," JJ replied, biting her lip to keep from laughing up at him.

"Funny girl," Dave murmured, pinching her side as they exited the elevator.

"Harassment, Rossi," JJ chastised, her words lilting.

"File a complaint tonight with me tonight," he growled under his breath, glaring at another agent who looked at JJ.

"Just keep your hands to yourself for the next four hours," JJ said, throwing a mock glare up at him, as they headed toward the conference room, "Or you and I will become the reason the team sits through another anti-fraternization seminar."

"Let 'em try," Rossi said with a careless shrug of his shoulders. "Been there, done that, could teach them by now," he added confidently.

As they neared the heavy oak door, JJ placed a hand on his arm, stopping him from moving. Glancing around them to ensure their privacy, such as it was, she looked up at his smirking face. "Remember our chat, Dave. There's no need for anybody to get any more suspicious than they already are, now is there?"

"I'm not the one who's been doing her damnedest to throw this group of profilers off our scent," Rossi shot back, staring down in amusement at the tiny blonde. "But I'm with you. My policy is to neither confirm nor deny, remember, babe?"

"Your policy today," JJ emphasized, shifting her bag, "Is to sit quietly, take notes, and try not to do anything that will give these people any ideas, right?"

"I remember the rules," Rossi agreed , nodding obediently. He then leaned forward just enough to be slightly inappropriate, grinning as he asked, "And what will my reward be for such good behavior?"

"We'll see about that when we get home tonight," JJ replied with a matching grin.


	2. Chapter 2

_**Author's Note: Thank you for your overwhelming feedback. I hope I don't disappoint with this chapter. Please keep those reviews coming!**_

**Mandatory Training**

**Chapter Two**

Walking into the conference room, JJ found herself surrounded by all her team members save one. "Where's Morgan?" JJ asked Emily as Dave pulled the chair out beside him for her. The better to give him the swift kick he might need in the shins, she thought. Or an elbow in the ribs; those were particularly effective method of shutting him up.

"Who knows?" Emily replied with an eyeroll. "You'd think the primary reason for this little excursion through seminar hell would have the courtesy to be on time, wouldn't you?"

"My chocolate God will be here any time now, girls," Penelope soothed quickly.

"Oh, look," Dave growled. "There's his accomplice."

"Dave, as I recall, back in the day, I sat through quite a number of these things because of you," Hotch reminded the elder profiler deliberately with a smirk.

"Now, where have I heard that before?" Dave grumbled under his breath, earning himself his first, but far from his last, pointed kick underneath the table. "Oww!"

"What?" Emily frowned.

Offering JJ a sideways glare, he muttered, "Muscle spasm."

Emily raised her eyebrows as she watched Rossi grimace. "O..kay," she said slowly. "Been working out particularly hard, Rossi? You really should do warm-ups and cooldowns, you know."

"I'll take that under advisement," Rossi said as nicely as he could. Seeing Emily's attention diverted by the opening door behind them, Rossi leaned over and growled in JJ's ear, "Do that again, Jen, and I might not be responsible for my actions."

"Remember your prize, Rossi," she shot back easily, pasting a professional smile on her face as Hotch suddenly cleared his throat, catching their attention as he led a tall woman to the front of the room.

Hotch said, looking around at the assembled group, "Okay, let's get started, people. We've got four hours to log, and I expect that we'll break for lunch around noon."

"But what about Morgan?" Penelope piped up, waving her bejeweled hand in the air to catch Hotch's attention. "He's not here yet."

"I'm here, Baby Girl," Morgan grinned, jogging in the door, shooting a charming smile toward the female seminar standing next to Hotch. "Duty called, Boss!" Morgan grinned, grabbing the remaining chair between Garcia and Reid.

"Yes...I saw that "duty" in the downstairs lobby. She was quite attractive AND wearing an FBI badge," the attractive human resources liaison said tightly. "I'm sure I'll be using that little interlude as an example later in my lecture."

"Moron," Dave muttered under his breath, earning a painful pinch to his thigh.

Clearing his throat again as he glared at an errant Derek Morgan, Hotch said clearly, "Ladies and gentlemen, this is Megan Harper from the Human Resources department. As you know, she's here to deliver our ongoing continuing education regarding the serious issue of sexual harassment in the workplace." Gesturing to Ms. Harper, Hotch stiffly resumed his seat at the head of the table.

A neutral frown on her heavily made up face, Ms. Harper said professionally, "The first thing I'd like for each of you to do is to share what you think is the legal definition of sexual harassment." Looking around the room, she narrowed her eyes as she reached Morgan, and said, "Agent Morgan, why don't we start with you. If I remember correctly, you might have some recent personal experience with this area."

"Hey!" Morgan sputtered, looking up quickly from dumping the third sugar in his coffee. Shaking his head, he said, defensively, "How was I to know the woman was gay? It's not like she was wearing a sign or something!"

"Probably wouldn't have stopped you anyway," Rossi chuckled under his breath, then let out a low hiss as JJ's fingers once again found that sensitive place on his side.

Her face tightening, the instructor frowned deeper as she leaned her hands on the conference table, staring at Morgan. "Agent, are you saying that a woman who wasn't expressing her choice to follow an alternative lifestyle would have welcomed your unsought advances?"

"Huh?" Morgan asked, his forehead scrunching as he cocked his head to the side and stared at the newcomer.

"She's asking if a straight chick woulda done the same thing to you, Sunshine," Penelope supplied helpfully, reaching over to stir Morgan's coffee for him.

"Well, then," Morgan said, showing off his pearly whites again, "I don't mean to brag, but I haven't experienced much problem with that in the past."

"Shocking," Ms. Harper stated, staring down her nose at the tall black man. "Over confidence is what leads to nearly a fourth of all our complaints. A trait you seem to exhibit in spades. But then," she said, casting a disdainful glare down the table at Rossi, "I see where you might be picking up some of your skills."

Glaring at Hotch, Dave growled, "What'd I tell you, man? I told you that no matter who led this thing, they were gonna find a way to make it all my fault."


	3. Chapter 3

**Mandatory Training**

**Chapter Three**

"You must admit, Agent Rossi, you ARE rather notorious in your exploits," Ms Harper stated through pursed lips. "And it's always said that agents within the Federal Bureau of Investigation lead by example." Turning to focus on Morgan again, she murmured, "And I think that point is being proven here today."

"Lady, I haven't had one complaint since..."

"Since you left ten years ago," Ms Harper nodded. "You appeared to have slowed in your advanced years."

"Did she just call me old?" Rossi yelped, looking around the table for supporters.

"I think, perhaps, she meant that you're the most seasoned agent in the room, Rossi," JJ soothed, quietly beside him.

"No," Ms Harper replied, shaking her head. "He understood me fine the first time." Smiling at Rossi sweetly, she invited, "Agent Rossi, why don't you give us YOUR definition of sexual harassment."

"Pass," Dave said flatly, crossing his arms over his chest and slumping in his chair belligerently.

Snorting, she narrowed her eyes at the older profiler. "I just want everyone in the room to realize that I've COMPLETELY cleared my day for your unit. We can stay in this room until five PM, if need be," Ms Harper informed the group brightly, her gaze never wavering from Rossi.

"Answer the woman, Chief! I've got a date tonight!" Morgan groaned.

"Yes, Dave, answer the woman," JJ hissed, boring a pointed elbow in his ribs.

"Dammit, people, do I look like a walking dictionary?" Rossi groused, shifting just enough in his chair to escape JJ and her deadly aim.

"Dave…." Hotch began, letting out a deep sigh. Why, God? The unit chief asked silently, not for the first time.

"What you look like the one with the most experience in this subject matter," the instructor shot back quickly, crossing her arms over her chest. "And your team mates are waiting."

Glaring around the room, Rossi snorted. "Wusses. All of you are wusses." Feeling JJ start to move once again, Rossi quickly added, his tone monotonous as he cited from memory, "Sexual harassment is unwelcome advances, requests for sexual favors, and other verbal or physical conduct of a sexual nature that affects a person's ability to maintain continued employment."

Turning to look at a surprised JJ, her mouth agape, he says, condescendingly, "Wanna top that?"

"I would expect nothing less," the instructor says drily from her position at the head of the table, "from the man who has attended more sexual harassment seminars than any other agent in the history of the Federal Bureau of Investigation."

"Look, people," Rossi growled, turning to throw a pointed glare in Garcia and Morgan's direction, "I wanna know when this became all about me. They" he added, pointing for emphasis, "are the culprits here!"

"Way to take one for the team, Agent Rossi," Penelope grumbled from the other side of the table.

Turning her eyes toward Pen, Ms Harper asked stiffly, "Ms Garcia, would you like to explain your definition of sexual harassment? More specifically, would you like to explain why your behavior of last Thursday qualifies as sexual harassment?"

"My behavior? That little twerp from CyberCrime barged his way into MY inner sanctum and took over Big Bertha! Big Bertha works for me! Me, alone!" Pen declared passionately.

"Big Bertha?" Ms Harper querried, raising a brow. "First who is "Big Bertha"? Second, could we please not qualify Bertha as big...that would be harassment, too. A different nature, but still harassment, Ms. Garcia."

"Huh?" Penelope gaped blankly.

"Tell her who Bertha is, Mama," Morgan chuckled.

"Big Bertha is my mainframe, ma'am. She's my baby! My computer baby," Pen wailed.

"I see," Megan Harper said carefully.

"And that big jackass spilled coffee all over her. Even though I have a sign clearly stating no food or beverages of ANY SORT are allowed in Pennyland!"

"Pennyland?" Ms Harper stuttered.

"Pennyland," Garcia nodded, bobbing her pink and blonde head up and down exuberantly.

"Just go with it lady," Rossi muttered.

"Anyway, I did, MAYBE, get a little carried away," Penelope admitted sheepishly.

"What exactly did you do, Ms Garcia?"

"I sorta threatened to cut off his dingaling and feed it to Big Bertha. In pieces," Garcia said awkwardly. "But he DESERVED it!"

"Ms. Garcia," the instructor began, a highly serious expression on her pinched face, "No one DESERVES to have a piece of his or her anatomy threatened, harmed or touched in any way, form or fashion in a work setting. Even the mere threat of a such a thing can be cause for immediate termination of employment by the Bureau!"

"The Bureau won't fire her," Morgan said confidently, leaning his chair back and propping his head on his crossed arms.

"I assure you, Agent Morgan, the Bureau can and will retaliate against such…."

"Nope, they won't," Morgan interrupted, a grin crossing his face as his teeth flashed in the fluorescent lighting. "Trust me, lady, they know better than to let her go. They wouldn't like the consequences if she chose to use her skills for another agency, now would they?"

"How sweet of you to say so, sugarplum!" Garcia gushed, reaching over and patting his cheek as she blew him a kiss.

"Wait!" the instructor all but yelled, two high spots of color starting to appear on her cheek. Turning to Hotch, she said, firmly, "Can you explain what your agent is talking about?"

Hotch smiled tightly as he threw a dark glance at Morgan. Turning back to the instructor, he said, professionally, "Technical Analyst Garcia is one of only three people in the entire world who can do what she does. And the Bureau knows it. We don't let loose of our assets that quickly, ma'am, no matter what."

Turning to glare back at Morgan and Garcia, the instructor humphed as she said, pointedly, "Be that as it may, it still doesn't give you the right to threaten other employees unnecessarily. And," she added for emphasis, "This…this….relationship….between the two of you could be construed as completely inappropriate for an office environment."

Leaning over toward JJ, Rossi said cheerfully, "See, I'm not having to say a word here. Those two are providing all sorts of entertainment without my help at all!"


	4. Chapter 4

**Mandatory Training**

**Chapter Four**

"What are you talking about?" Penelope frowned. "What'd we do, just now?"

"Where do I start?" Ms Harper asked, rolling her eyes. "The endearments, the blowing kisses! It's ALL inappropriate. Physical contact is frowned on within the Bureau in any context."

"But I hug everybody!" Penelope said, shaking her head.

"I suggest you stop. Whether your realize it or not, you are probably offending your co-workers," Ms. Harper snapped.

Gaping, Penelope looked up and down the table. "I've offended you guys?" she asked softly.

"NO!" Emily said quickly, glaring at Ms. Harper.

"Not me!" Reid added, shifting in his seat.

"Absolutely NOT!" JJ said, casting the so-called educator an affronted glare.

"Oh, you've gotta be kidding," Rossi groaned.

"You know better, Sweetness," Morgan said softly.

"We're a very close knit unit, Ms Harper," Hotch said vaguely.

"Closer than you know," Rossi sighed.

"Shut. UP." JJ hissed.

"Evidently," Ms Harper huffed. "But be that as it may, your behaviors need to be modified."

"Look, lady," Morgan began, not at all happy to see the frown on Penelope's face, "I think our behaviors are fine just the way they are. And this woman," he added, reaching out to pat an obviously distressed Garcia's hand, "is perfectly fine just the way she is."

"I am not here to discuss Ms. Garcia's personality, Agent Morgan," the instructor said stiffly, wondering for not the first time how she was the one assigned this group. Plowing forward, she said, "But we are here to assure the division directors that further incidents of a threatening or sexual nature will not occur within in your division."

Seeing Morgan about to object again, Hotch caught his eye and said, softly, "Morgan, let it go. We're only required to complete the assigned curriculum, which can be completed in four hours …without interruption." He added, his voice brooking no argument, "And it will be four hours, understand me?"

"But Hotch," Morgan snapped, glaring across the table, "she insulted Garcia!"

"I'm sure that Garcia understands that Ms. Harper intended no disrespect," Hotch said smoothly, turning to look at Garcia. "Isn't that right, Penelope?"

"I guess," Garcia mumbled, twirling the edge of her hair with a colorful pencil as she glared down the long table at the interloper.

"Okay, then," Hotch continued with a nod. "Let's get back on schedule, shall we?"

"Yeah, man," Rossi added with a slight menace in his voice. Turning to look at the younger bald man, he added, his eyebrows raised, "I kinda got plans I'd like to keep tonight, if you know what I mean."

Glancing from one boss to the other, Morgan collapsed back in his leather seat. "Okay, okay. I read you. Both of you." Turning to look at the instructor, Morgan said with exaggerated politeness, "Please continue, ma'am. We're all ears over here."

Four mind-numbing hours later, six agents and one technical analyst exchanged weary glances at each other as the woman in front of them droned on.

David Rossi had given up paying attention two hours ago, instead serendipitously making edit notes on his newest manuscript. That is, he was. Suddenly feeling JJ's sharp arm in his ribs once more, he raised his eyes quickly. And met the glare of one very irritated sexual harassment educator.

"I'm sorry, Agent Rossi. Did I interrupt you?" Ms. Harper asked haughtily.

Jaw clenching, Dave ground out, "Well as a matter of fact..."

"No, you didn't," JJ answered helpfully, flashing the instructor her best PR smile as she turned to look pointedly at Rossi. "Did she, Agent Rossi?" she asked, her voice brooking no argument.

"I guess not," Rossi muttered, smiling tightly.

"Good, then," Ms. Harper replied, her eyes glancing down at the papers in Rossi's hands. "I'm assuming that you've been taking copious notes and will be ready for the exit exam."

"There's a test?" Reid said, suddenly perking up from his position in the corner.

"There's a test?" Morgan singsonged, mimicking the young genius's response as he pressed both hands to the side of his head. Glaring up at the instructor, he mumbled, "At least tell me it's true or false."

"No, Agent Morgan," she replied stiffly, shifting the papers in her hand. "It is standard procedure for the exams in this particular seminar to be long-answer. You will each be graded on your individual interpretation of specific examples of possible harassment situations. For example, question one…"

"Oh, for the love of God," Rossi muttered, barely resisting the urge to pound his head against the desk. Risking a glance at JJ, he muttered, "I'm not gonna be responsible for my actions much longer, you hear me?"

She hissed back quickly, barely audible, "You will behave, Dave, or you know the consequences, right?"

Huffing, he glared across the table at Hotch, willing the man to do something.

"I believe my team can read the exam for themselves, ma'am," Hotch said quickly, accurately interpreting the looks of mutiny that were flashing around the room. "Just pass those exams out and I'll make sure that you receive them by the end of the week."

"Agent Hotchner, that is not the way this is done!" Ms. Harper objected, pushing her prim glasses back up her nose.

"I don't mind," Reid said politely, reaching for a copy of the exam.

"Brown noser," Penelope and Morgan accused in unison.

"I haven't been graded since college. Don't you think this is a bit degrading, Ms. Harper," Emily frowned.

"Considering your colleagues, no, I find it entirely appropriate," she replied evenly.

"I'm copying off you," Rossi muttered out the side of his mouth to JJ.

"You will NOT," she said in a low growl. "You will answer the questions on your own piece of paper and we will all get the hell out of here!"

"I'm with JJ," Penelope muttered, studying her selection of colorful pencils carefully before she chose the purple fuzzy with yellow swirls.

Glancing down at his paper, Morgan muttered as he read out loud, "Which of the following is not an example of sexual harassment and explain why in your answer." Glancing up at Rossi, he grinned as he said, "You wanna take that one, Chief?"

"Leave him alone, Morgan," JJ snapped out, never raising her eyes as her pen flew against her own paper. "He's occupied at the moment, so quit distracting him."

"Ooohh," Penelope said as she raised her eyebrows, looking intently at JJ, suddenly interested. "Sounds like somebody's Mommy won't let him come out to play."

"Huh," Morgan grunted, glancing in suspicion toward his coworkers. "Now that I think about it, you two have been quite cozy over there for the past few hours. I've heard quite a bit of muttering going on between you two. "

"Morgan, can we stay on topic?" Hotch prodded, raising his eyebrows as he tapped his pencil against the table. "Remember, the sooner we get this done, the sooner we're out of here."

"And didn't you have PLANS tonight," Emily asked with a pointed look.

"And as I recall, so does Rossi," Morgan snickered. "Give it up, Dave. Who is she?" Morgan grinned.


	5. Chapter 5

_**Author's Note: A quick apology to all the readers of my various stories – Real life has interfered with my writing recently. Hence, my slow updates. But I AM still writing, albeit, more slowly. Please be patient with me and I'll keep all the stories slowly rolling along.**_

**Mandatory Training**

**Chapter Five**

"Who she is or is _NOT_ is of no concern," Ms Harper said, tapping her hand against the podium as she gazed at the group in front of her. "Eyes on your work."

"Sounds like the Mother Superior at my old high school," Dave grimaced.

"They had Catholics in the Stone Age?" Morgan quipped. And for the first time all day, the unit heard an unfamiliar sound.

The staid Ms Harper was giggling. Uncontrollably.

"Look," Penelope said, a touch of awe in her voice. "She just might be human."

"More likely, she's experiencing a slight break from reality exhibited by the sudden urge to laugh uncontrollably," Reid diagnosed knowledgably, cocking his head as he examined the still-laughing instructor.

"Ms. Harper, is everything all right?" Hotch asked carefully, shifting quickly into his profiler mode. "Is there something you find amusing here?"

Choking on her giggle, the instructor tried to gain control, but her shoulder still shook as she gasped out, eyes wide, "Enough! I've had enough, Agent Hotchner!"

"Pardon me?" Hotch asked, wondering if he should be reaching for his weapon.

"Look at your team!" the woman declared, waving her hands erratically as she started pointing at each person.

"My team?" Hotch repeated.

"They're hopeless. Today I heard ageism, sexism, and sizism...every negative "ism" I can think of...and yet, you all have no clue!" she said shaking her head.

"That may be true. But no one in here meant anything disrespectful or negative. It's a part of our team dynamic. And it works for us," Hotch explained evenly.

"It's one of the reasons we have the highest solve rate of any division inside the building," Rossi growled. "Would you like to trade success for political correctness? Or would you prefer we caught psychos?"

Turning on Rossi at that moment, the woman shook her head as she said, voice slightly hysterical, "And YOU! You don't even know who I am, do you?"

"Careful, man," Morgan muttered, his eyes trained on the laughing woman. "I think it's a trap!"

Ignoring his coworker, Rossi snapped back, sarcastically, "Well, seeing as how I just sat through 4 mind-numbing hours of your so-called teaching, I'll have to step out on a limb and say you might be the HR peon that drew the short straw and got stuck with this freaking topic."

"I knew it!" Ms. Harper shook her head, staring in amazement at the Senior Profiler. "You've honestly not changed one iota, have you?" Not giving him a chance to respond, she barreled ahead as she said, questioningly, "Summer of 1992? First year of the intern program? Ring any bells?"

"Listen, lady," Rossi began, derisively, "ya gotta do better than that. Unlike you, my life extends beyond the four walls of this place, and my memories are a bit crowded."

"Dave…." JJ muttered softly, the palm of her hand pressing threatening against his leg, "We want out of here, remember?"

"He doesn't remember!" Ms. Harper exclaimed, throwing her hands up. "He really doesn't remember!"

Pasting on his best profiler expression, Hotch smiled reassuringly as he said calmly, "Well, why don't you tell us what you think Agent Rossi should have remembered, and then we can continue forward with this session."

"He," Ms. Harper said emphatically, drawing a deep breath as she pointed accusingly at Rossi, "managed to date or attempt to date every woman in our intern class! He went through us like a child in a candy store! "

"Really?" Morgan said, suddenly paying attention as he sat up and looked expectantly at the flustered instructor, then admiringly at Rossi. "Way to go, chief!"

"Again, Morgan," JJ hissed, peering around Rossi to glare at the younger agent. "Do. Not. Encourage. Him."

Shaking her head rapidly as she continued on her tirade, ignoring the other agents, Ms. Harper said with a flourish, "And then, before we knew it, there were those rumors of him and a night in the walk-in refrigerator with Mary Alice McGillicudy…."

"Wait just a moment," Hotch interrupted suddenly, glaring over the table at Rossi. "Now THAT name sounds familiar, Dave."

"Should be," Rossi said negligently, leaning back casually in his chair. "I'll have you know I married that one. Second wife, remember?"

Sighing, Hotch shook his head as he muttered, "How could I have forgotten? "

"All in the past though," Rossi said cheerfully as he felt JJ stiffen even more beside him. Just his luck, he thought with an internal groan. He had to get Chatty Cathy for his instructor, and apparently she was intent on ruining his relationship with the LAST woman in his history. Surreptitiously wrapping his hand around JJ's cold fingers, he then added, raising his eyebrow as he looked across the table at Hotch, "Don't you think it's time to bring this little walk down memory lane an end?"

Nodding, Hotch addressed Harper as he said, firmly, "Let's continue with the exam. I don't think there's anything else you need to share with us right now."

"Oh, really?" Ms. Harper snapped back, propping her hands on her hips. "You really think you know everything there is to know?"


	6. Chapter 6

**Mandatory Training **

**Chapter Six **

"Ms. Harper," Hotch said, attempting to maintain hold on the last shred of his sanity, "I really don't know what you might think you know…."

Pointing at Morgan and Garcia, she said, quickly, "Let's start with what I KNOW about those two." Glancing derisively at Hotch, she said with a sarcastic grin, "Guess you didn't know that they've been secretly harboring feelings for each other for at least two years, maybe more. She's hiding behind the guise of friendship, hoping he'll notice her, and he's running toward other women only because he's too scared to acknowledge the feelings he has for her."

"Hey!" Morgan and Garcia sputtered at the same time, their eyes suddenly widening to the size of saucers.

"I'm not finished," Ms. Harper said sharply, turning her attention to JJ and Rossi. Shaking her head in confusion as she looked at JJ, she said with a sigh of partial admiration, "How you EVER managed to get that one to settle down, I'll never know! What's it been, three, four months for you two?"

"I really don't know what you are talking about," JJ said quickly, schooling her face into a neutral expression, only to hear Rossi chuckle deeply beside her as he muttered, "Give it up, babe. We just got outted."

Seeing the mutinous expressions on his team's faces, Hotch tried to control the tic in his jaw as he said, "That's enough, Ms. Harper. I'll have you know that…."

"That you and Agent Prentiss have been walking a very interesting tightrope, haven't you?" Ms. Harper said with apparent sadistic glee. Raising an eyebrow, she said, "And you call yourself a profiler. I spent four hours with you people and I managed to see right through all of you."

"You forgot me, Ms. Harper," Reid said from his quiet corner. "It appears that I have no co-worker for you to conveniently pair with me."

"That is because YOU, Dr. Reid, are gay!" Ms. Harper declared, throwing up her hands in despair.

"Excuse me?" Reid said, shocked, as he stared in sudden confusion. "Are you sure in your diagnosis? I myself would have classified myself as…"

"That's enough, Reid!" Morgan shouted in his direction, and Penelope quickly slapped her hand over his mouth as she whispered loudly, "We'll talk about it later, gumdrop. You can come over tonight and we'll watch Funny Girl again, okay?"

Shaking her head at the shocked group, Ms. Harper muttered, ""This entire team is a senior psychiatrist's dream. You have exhibited every single schism and ism known to mankind, from illicit relationship s to social injustices, and a few that I'm sure haven't even been discovered yet!"

The sound of soft banging suddenly filled the room, and the whole team turned to look toward the noise, only to see the normally staid Aaron Hotchner pounding his forehead against the laminate table as he muttered, "Unbelievable. I am not hearing this. I am not hearing this."

Sighing, Emily reached over and gently pulled his head up as she said softly, "It's okay, Hotch. I'm sure we'll all wake up later and this will just be a bad dream."

"I can only wish," Hotch muttered, smoothing his hair back into place as he glared up at the newsy instructor, his façade falling back into place. "If you are QUITE finished, Ms. Harper, perhaps you would be kind enough to tell us exactly what the next step for this session should be."

"I don't** c**are what you do anymore!" she declared, throwing her hands up in despair. Babbling to herself, she said, "Hopeless. For the first time, I have a class that is completely and totally hopeless."

"Does this mean we don't need to finish these tests?" Morgan asked hopefully, his pen suspended over the paper in anticipation. Although, he told himself, if he hung around a bit longer, who knows what else he might learn about his coworkers? Of course, he reminded himself then as he glanced secretly at Penelope, they might also find out a few things about him, too.

"Do whatever!" she snapped back, throwing her supplies in the black leather satchel she had brought with her. "You're going to do it anyway, no matter what I tell you."

"Ms. Harper," Hotch said sternly, pushing back his chair, "It is necessary that my team complete the entirety of this session. Otherwise, we will be forced to sit through this again."

"Oh hell no, we won't," Rossi growled, slapping his hands on the table.


	7. Chapter 7

**Mandatory Training**

**Chapter Seven**

Grabbing a form from her bag, Harper scribbled something on the bottom, then slapped in on the table in front of Hotch with a flourish. "Here!" she declared, grabbing her bag. "Officially, I certify that you sat through the required session. And I'm done!"

Watching the shaking woman head toward the door, Reid asked, confused as he held up his finished test paper, "But don't you want to grade me?" He watched as she sailed out the door, and then said, sadly, "I guess not."

"I think she's pretty much already graded all of us, Reid," Emily said softly, neatly folding her test paper into a detailed triangle.

As the reverberations of the slamming door echoed through the conference room, they all exchanged looks of shock.

"What the hell just happened?" Emily asked, still staring at the door.

"We broke her," Rossi grinned gleefully.

"Or she broke us," Penelope added, thoughtfully.

Slapping his arm with the strength of a major league pitcher, JJ hissed, "That is NOT something to be proud of Rossi."

"Depends on where you're sitting," Dave argued belligerently, squeezing her hand again. The woman owed him for behaving himself, and he was bound and determined to collect.

"Well, this appears to be in order," Hotch said, carefully reading the paper in front of him. "It's signed and dated, and officially satisfies the requirements for our continuing education training."

"Hot damn and hallelujah," Morgan shouted, crumpling his test paper into a ball and sinking it in the wastebasket. Scooting his chair back with a loud squeal, he said, grinning, "I'm outta here!"

"Not so quick, Morgan," Hotch said, raising his eyes to look around at the team. "We need to get our story straight before we leave this room."

"What's to get straight?" Rossi asked, shrugging negligently. "We came to class, we stayed for class, and we finished the class. Case closed."

"Maybe Hotch is talking about the fact that our instructor just might have had a nervous breakdown," JJ snapped back, lining up her pencil next to her notepad.

"There is that," Hotch acknowledged, glancing around. "But our official party line will be, should anyone ask, that every one of us completed this class as prescribed. Is that clear?"

"Crystal!" Rossi agreed, then said, grinning, "And on that note, we're out of here, people!"

"Just a minute, Dave," Hotch said, raising his eyebrows. Glaring around the room, he said firmly, "There will be another stipulation. I'm going to do my best to forget everything that we just heard, and I suggest that each of you do the same. Does everyone understand my meaning, or do I need to spell it out?"

"We got it, loud and clear, Hotch," Morgan said, nodding. "Don't ask, don't tell, right?"

"And then deny, deny, deny," Rossi added, his grin still firmly attached in spite of the sharp nails suddenly digging, deeply, into his thigh. Why did he suddenly feel like he might have a bit of explaining to do?

* * *

Stepping onto the elevator, JJ waited until the doors whished closed to turn her venom on the man beside her. "I can't believe you! The freezer in our commissary, Rossi!"

Having the sense to look sheepish, Dave stared at his feet. "It WAS 1982, JJ. It's not like it happened last year!"

"Still!" she bit out. "You're a...a..."

"Reformed hell raiser in a committed relationship?" he asked hopefully.

"The woman used you for a total of sixteen different examples of harassment, Dave!" JJ moaned, slapping his arm sharply. "Sixteen!"

"Ow!" he yelped, grabbing her fingers as she raised her hand for another swat. "Dammit, honey, all of those incidents were well before I met you. Hell, they were before I even left the Bureau the first time!"

"Still," JJ muttered, leveling him with a glare, "you apparently made quite the impression on a number of women, didn't you?"

"But even that witch was able to tell how much you've been able to change me." Pulling her as close as she would allow him to, Rossi said calmly, staring straight into her eyes, "The only woman that I'm interested in impressing, now and for the rest of my life, is you, Jennifer."

"I better be," JJ grumbled, letting him tuck her closer as she added, darkly, "But I have a feeling I didn't hear all of your escapades, did I?"

Grinning down at her beautiful face, Rossi said, wiggling his eyebrows, "How about you and I create a few escapades of our own, babe? I got one in mind that I can guarantee you'll never forget."

"Rossi," JJ warned, pulling back to look up at him, "If you're even thinking of taking me to the commissary….."

"Nah, too tame," Rossi said, sliding a hand down to her hip as he reached out and pressed the emergency stop button.

"Dave!" JJ exclaimed, falling fully against him as the elevator shuddered to a stop. "What are you doing?"

Pressing a quick kiss to her lips, he murmured, drawing her closer, "Just hang on, babe. I think you'll enjoy the ride!"

**FINIS**


End file.
